Saturday, November 27, 2004
11:45 AM
Wild, Wild Winona

Minnesota, not the singer nor the clepto actress.

I've got a few minutes before checkout. Surely I'll go over that time. I just returned from I thought was a good idea - to go get my car left at he club last night. Factor in that it was about a 30 minute walk and that is was snowing and the good idea quickly became a shitty one. Now my socks and shoes are wet as is my stocking hat, drying on the lamp attached to the wall near the bed.

Instead of a long story about last night, how about some bullet points? It's easier on both of us I think.

-I arrived here early, maybe 4 p.m. Showtime was at 8:30. I checked into the hotel and they told me where the club was. I guess I passed it on my way to the hotel.

-I got to the club, the Black Horse, and immediately laughed at the marquee along the road: FREE COMEDY FRIDAY. It's nice to see people put a price on my dream. Pay nothing and laugh anyway.

-The guys who run the joint are nicknamed OC and Frenchie. I thought OC was short for O'Connell or something similar, so I asked him. "Nope. It means outta control," he told me. "I've had lots of surgeries from doing dumb shit when I'm drunk. Like swimming down stairs." Apparently he does this when chased by cops or other such authorities. "Why don't you try swimming in a lake? This is Minnesota, you've got 10,000 of 'em," I suggested. I knew that would be used in my act later that night. Frenchie wore a bandana instead of a beret and had no accent. I never got the meaning of his nickname. They then told me that I could eat for half price at a pizza joint in town, so I went there.

-Pizza place was called Za Za's and was near Winona State, the college in town that hold like 7,000 students, according to a student at Za Za's drinking a pitcher of beer alone. Laura, the bartender, wore a shirt equal in fabic quantity to that of a wash cloth. And I loved it. She was under 21 with a cute face and a great smile. That all made my calzone filled with sausage, green and banana peppers, and onions that much better. I invited her to the show but she worked 'til 11. She also wore a yellow Lance Armstrong bracelet and then told me she just bought 30 of them on e-Bay. "You have to have every color to match every outfit," she claimed. I didn't even know they came in different colors. I signed a CD for her and took a picture. Well, a guy at the bar, actually he was visiting with a buddy and they were both from near where I grew up, took the picture. I made sure he got all of Laura's body in the shot. You need to incorporate those little things to make the small town experience fun.

(Well, I added some more from the night in Winona. Unfortunately, technology sucks major cock sometimes and my additions were never added nor saved. But I will say that Friday night ended in the driver getting a DUI. I didn't know him or the other 2 passengers, one of which had warrants out for unpaid parking tickets - allegedly. As the driver was doing some sobriety tests, the other guys said that if the driver gets a DUI he won't be able to start his new job. "What kind of job?" I asked. Come to find out he had just graduated from the police academy.)