Wednesday, May 05, 2004
1:04 PM
Here's a revelation: I think I should use this journal to write some more thoughts about the contest debacle. Enjoy.

Even thought the Apartments.com contest is over, there is still news to report. Okay, so maybe it’s not really news. Instead, it’s simply responses from the Apartments people about some concerns I had.

I noted how my Web site had over 7,000 visitors during the contest, yet I received only 1500 votes. Their answer is that people went to my site, saw the sob story and voted for Jessica. Then how did I finish third? I’m guessing the chick from Orlando was in a bikini in a hot tub and that was enough for the perverts to vote. Again, it’s America and sex sells – a lot.

Even still, I think there was some kind of a glitch in the voting/computer system and I expressed this concern. The powers-that-be stand by the contest being fair and the winner being crowned, if you will, fairly also. Fine, that still doesn’t explain the problems with voting in the first few days or the trouble when voting every day. People were told many times that their vote had already been submitted when clearly it had not. However, I’d imagine that Jessica and Jamie had this happen to. Or did they? Let’s be honest, if you get the right person with some computer know-how to work some magic, some things can happen. I don’t want to believe such is the case, but again, after lots of hard work and dedication, who knows? Maybe I shouldn’t be such a cynic ‘till I cash my loser check.

With all that said, this may be the ultimate “Things Happen for a Reason” situation. So maybe I didn’t win the 10-grand, which, after Uncle Sam gets his will be like 7-grand; I got my name out there and made some people aware that ShaveYourHead.com exists and that I’m a pretty funny guy who takes some great pictures. I’ve reached new fans in the process. I’ve also made some great media contacts and have learned to deal with failure yet again.

Now some people don’t think I’ve failed. Look at it this way, I entered the contest to win the $10,000 and I did not win. That’s a failure. Now something else may come from it, but bottom line - I failed to win the money.

Earlier today I spoke with Kerrie from Apartments.com about my concerns. In addition to contending that all went down fairly, she also shed some highly politically correct perspective on the contest.

“You all really deserved to win, don’t you think?” she asked me. “And you all did win something in different ways (or something to that effect.)”

Although a very PC statement, it was one that I took exception to greatly. Deserving anything is very subjective just as comedy is or any number of things. Who I think should win something or what I think is funny aren’t going to be consensus views across the board. That’s life. And that’s like asking which of your three kids you like best.

But what did I really expect her to say, “Scott you were the best and I’m personally shocked you didn’t win. You were far and away the most deserving.”

That would look horrible for her and the contest as a whole. Besides, if she really did feel that way, you think she’d admit it to me knowing that I would write about by days’ end for all the world – or at least a few people – to read? Highly unlikely.

As it stands, Apartments.com got the publicity they were looking for in a way cheaper than spending hundreds of thousands of dollars on advertising. Contests work in many walks of life. Granted, they may not seem fair, but they do the job they were arranged to do –create a buzz and some revenue. And if you can have some passionate, thought-to-be-media-savvy comedian go over the top to promote the contest, that’s even better.

Which brings me to another point. Do you think Apartments.com was really pulling for Jessica, the contestant who refused to do one media interview, to win? That would be like the Clippers and the Hornets in the NBA Finals – a marketing and advertising nightmare come true. Sure she did The Today Show, but that’s it. Hell, I would’ve wore an Aparments.com thong on the Eisenhower Expressway to generate publicity. I hope it still wouldn’t be called “Room to Move”, though, if you get my drift.

“What? Are they saying it’s so small and that I have too much Room to Move in my shorts? That would be taking a shot at my almost-totally naked manhood exposed for all the city to see, simply to get them to sign a lease for a studio apartment near the train tracks.”

Or maybe I would meet a girl at a bar that night and she’d say, “Weren’t you in your underwear on the highway this morning? You’re an idiot, but I like that in a man. I have a Room we can do some Moving in big boy.” But as it stands, I’ll be more apt to get, “Hey look girls. Look, it’s that almost-30-year-old who finished last in the loser contest and lives with his mom.” Many giggles and much pointing would ensue and “Loser” by Beck would be playing on the bar’s jukebox.

Perhaps if I would’ve shared a bedroom with my sister versus just a bathroom, things would be different and I’d be too hung-over from celebrating my victory to write this. But such is not the case; Instead, I’m the loser in a loser contest.

Monday, May 03, 2004
1:52 PM
Madison, Wisconsin's Mifflin Street Party, May 1, 2004

Countries celebrate their independence with celebration. Religions celebrate holidays in the same way. Families celebrate graduations and anniversaries with parties featuring dancing and drinking. All Madison needs is a street with a funny name and about 40,000 of its closest friends and let the games begin.

Similar signs hung from porches and balconies lining Mifflin.

I wasn't sure what to expect. Then, we turned the corner and saw the small get together.

People knew which way to go when they got there.

**The Bands**

Many bands played to the thousands of co-eds in Madison.

"Fuck it. Let's pull over, sent up the canopy that matches our mini-van, and jam out."

A driveway sufficed for their stage. Who knew that Allan Houston would inspire this drummer?

**The Cops**

These cats were cuffed before I even got to Mifflin.

Some cops played nice, faking the handcuff application to Chris.

They then made time to pose with some hotties. Notice the black guy in back wondering why he wasn't in the middle of cops and cameras.

**The Bathroom Breaks**

"Man, his is a lot bigger." Bathrooms were a at a premium. Wherever you found a spot, you went.

Who says guys don't go to the bathroom together?

Even a girl on a cell phone just beyond the Suburban and some brush couldn't deter this guy.

I came down the stairs of this house and there she was, squatting for her rights apparently.

**The Dogs**

The cutest thing all day. And trust me, the hands are pulling cigarette butts away from the puppy, not feeding them to him.

A face only a mother - or this dog's owner - could love.

**The Chicks**

These ladies had their way with me for about an hour. Oh yeah, that was my wish. It's just a poster lying on the ground.

I never got their names, but I saw much of them during the day and then they came to my show that night.

Unfortunately, they never went any further. At least not while I was there.

With the Mardi Gras-type atmosphere, I was certain I would see sets of these all day. However, this was it, but quite nice for a one and only shot.

Nothing better than hotties eating phallic cobs of corn and drinking Busch Light at noon.

This bachelorette party was at the late show Saturday. I was way too tired after Mifflin and wasn't much fun. Sorry ladies.

**The Strangers and Other Stuff**

People packed porches, partied hard and had a blast. I had no idea who any of them were.

Whether you were in the front yard, the back yard, the alley, the street - wherever - a sea of people was there.

The guy on the far left wasn't watching the game of catch going on in front of him. On the next throw, a league ball hit him square in the face.

Often times excessive drinking results in guys forgetting to pull out and chicks forgetting to take the pill. Where is the center for that?

Some people just couldn't hang has an SUV bumper became her best friend.

It's a sad day in America when we have to identify pizza as being Italian.

Many drugs, including crack, were accessible on mighty Mifflin.

My ShaveYourHead.com thongs were a big hit in their weekend debut. This is a bride-to-be modeling them after a show. The sunglasses were carefully placed on, not by me of course. Not sure if that's camel-toe.