Friday, January 16, 2004
10:20 AM
The following posts are from my Daily Derenger. I and the technical brass at ShaveYourHead.com STILL don't know what the problem is in the Daily archives. So hard to find good help these days, especially with what I pay. Please read on and enjoy.

[ Wed Jan 14, 05:12:12 AM | Scott Derenger | edit ]

I never thought I would see the day when I'd forget my camera and ask my friend, "Hey, can I borrow your phone?" To take the picture of course, not to call home and ask mom to bring your camera to the zoo. What's next? Digital movie screens in mini-vans?

Check out the Late, Late Show with Craig Kilborn tonight - after Letterman on CBS. My buddy Chad Daniels will be on doing comedy. My career sucks so now I support my successful friends who've slept on my couch.
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[ Tue Jan 13, 10:14:19 PM | Scott Derenger | edit ]

Ready for this???? Today I was the Last Comic Standing. Seriously. I auditioned for the hit reality show on NBC, Last Comic Standing. After 12 hours in a line that wound around the Improv Comedy Club, Second City and a service station, I was selected as the Last Comic Standing. Okay, so it wasn't so great. I was simply the last comic selected to audition today. It was late and they had seen enough. They eventually picked other comics at random to also audition, but I was the last of the regulars from the line of about 500.

I have never been so tired from sitting then standing then laying then walking then talking, all for about two minutes in front of execs who wanted anything but a bald, white guy. Had I worn a dress and an afro, I might be in the quarter-finals right now. Instead, I'm going to bed.
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[ Mon Jan 12, 09:12:33 AM | Scott Derenger | edit ]

For the first time ever, I ate sushi. My tastes have evolved over the years, so this really isn't a shock to me. Sour cream, guacamole, shrimp, spinach, humus and now sushi. It wasn't nearly as good as people make it sound, but now I can cross it off the "things to do while trying to become famous in Hollywood" list.

We went with a rather eclectic group - 4 Russians, 2 Americans and 1 Israeli all dining at a Japanese restaurant. It was more like a United Nations meeting than a late night dinner.

My friends were eating the sushi with ease, like chips and salsa while I was strugging just to work the chopsticks. My shoulder became sore quickly and after all that work, I was still a bit hungry. I've never felt that way about pizza. Never. That's why you always see fat Italians and small Asians. You can fit much more in your hands than you can between two skinny sticks. Except sumo wrestlers. But they're all a bunch of freaks.
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[ Fri Jan 09, 01:08:12 AM | Scott Derenger | edit ]

Recently I've found myself watching a lot of MTV's Cribs. Besides the show being highly depressing, especially when I've never heard of the guy so his need for seven bedrooms and six bathrooms is even more disturbing, there is blatant exaggeration. No matter if it's a mono-syllabic-speaking-rapper or a skate boarder not old enough to legally vote, the bedroom always seems to have magic happening in it. Oh really? I never seem to think of magic happening in my bedroom, being that I live at home. Getting a chick to step foot in my room alone would be magical enough. Although before moving back home, I was all about bedroom magic. In the middle of the night, she would leave and I would never see or hear from her again. The disappearing whore trick. Even without an abra-cadabra.
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[ Thu Jan 08, 02:27:01 AM | Scott Derenger | edit ]

I'm in Los Angeles, exhausted, but here nonetheless. I drove all over last night and didn't even get lost. The mall had a bit more eclectic group of people than normal, complete with your average food court. I promised myself that I would get in shape once I arrived in California. However, my first two meals were at In & Out Burger and the other was fried orange chicken. At least the view and the weather are great.
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[ Wed Jan 07, 06:41:28 AM | Scott Derenger | edit ]

Finally, I will be leaving for Los Angeles in a few hours. I stopped in Phoenix and fell ill. Luckily, I've been in the care of Tony and Gellie, formerly of Chattanooga, Tennessee. On my trips down south, they always opened their home to me and have done the same thing out here. Gellie has bent over backwards to nurse me back to health while Tony has worked hard to restore my also under-the-weather laptop. So far both Mr. Compaq and I are still a bit shaky. Sometimes I've taken for granted the finer things in life, most notably great friends. I have an outstanding contingent of friends who, for some reason, love to have me around and even laugh once in a while. As much esteem as I lack in being the 29-year-old living with mom, I'm able to replenish it through quality relationships and genuine gratitude for them. Huge thanks to Tony and Gellie once again for being more than I could' ve hoped for. But I will still need Gellie to use a thermometer condom when taking my temperature - orally of course. We're not that close.

Check out the journal for recent Daily Derenger's as well as e-mails from readers of my humor columns.
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[ Tue Jan 06, 10:42:19 AM | Scott Derenger | edit ]

Vanilla vibe or caramel groove. Those were my two coffee choices at a Tulsa, Oklahoma gas station the other day. Are you kidding me? First of all, whatever happened to coffee flavored coffee? I mean vanilla and caramel are flavors of ice cream toppings. Then you add "vibe" and "groove" into the mix. Ridiculous. So I guess one has to dance now when selecting, purchasing and then drinking these coffees. That's great, but I don't dance, especially after drinking coffee. Unless they bring the strobe lights and DJ in the bathroom.