Wednesday, December 24, 2003
3:52 PM
The following posts are from my Daily Derenger. I and the technical brass at ShaveYourHead.com don't know what the problem is in the Daily archives. Please read on and enjoy. Happy Holidays.

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Tue Dec 23.

I had a revelation last night: I'm a loser. It came to me through the television. As I was flipping through the channels while stopping a lot at the Packers-Riaders game, I came upon MTV. I don't watch much TV while at home 'cause there are only TV's in my sister's and in my step-dad and mom's room.

Last night my sister was at work, so I watched her muffled sounding TV in her darker-than-mine purple bedroom. I was glued to the "Jessica and Nick: Newlyweds" show. And I loved it. I loved them yelling and swearing at one another while drinking beers. It was like Cops without the trailer and actual cops.

It was a show with two early 20's millionaires arguing over house decorations and the time spent putting them up. Then they went shopping for insect repellant at Home Depot. I didn't change the channel.

29, living at home without a TV, and watching a reality show in my 17-year-old sister's room about wealthy married kids way younger than me chasing after bees in their front yard. That's being a loser my friends.

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Mon Dec 22.

It's been a week since Pepper's been gone and although I was on the road last week, I've been home long enough to miss her. It's weird not hearing her galloping down the sparsely tiled hallway. It's weird not having to cover the dinner courses in the kitchen or push them out of her reach. It's weird being unable to call her name when a fatty piece of steak has been chewed up and then spit out in her direction. It's also weird not having her to bark when someone comes home while I'm surfing the internet porn sites. She was my buffer between excitement and embarassment. You're sadly missed old friend.

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Fri Dec 19.

I'm in Wausau, Wisconsin's downtown library. Last year when I was here around the same time, this area was under major construction. It's since been completed and looks great.

On my way in, a man was being searched in the lobby. He apparently violated the terms of his restraining order and followed some lady into the library. I had hoped for something funny to happen while I fumbled through my coat in proximity to hear the officers questioning the gray bearded fellow. I got nothing.

I need to go, though. I may exceed my time here and get pissed at this machine, thus having the library place a restaining order against me.

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Tue Dec 16.

We had to put our dog, Pepper, to sleep yesterday. For those of you who knew her, you know how close she was to us. She was treated better than most dogs and even many people. A part of our family is gone. Now her suffering is over and it's time for us to pick up the pieces ... and the torn up stuffed animals and the almost-gone chewyz. In Pepper's memory, I will bark at the squirrels in the backyard, drag my ass on the rug and drink outta the toilet. Thanks for the memories Pepper. Please watch over mom and keep her safe while I'm gone.

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Mon Dec 15.

I did a Christmas party last night at a strip club, a special one for the employees. Five minutes before I went on, two of the dancers got into a fight. I'm not sure if one danced to the other one's song the night before or if their stage names were too similar. However, I do know that that was the most uncomfortable I had ever been in a strip club without having a boner.

Read more about it my "journal" and don't forget to check out the "pictures" link if you've yet to do so.

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Fri Dec 12.

7 outta 7. For a baseball batter, that's a great day at the plate. For a quarterback, that's a great way to begin a game passing. For me, 7 outta 7 was far from great. You see, I called AOL seeking help with the all new Optimized 9.0. I wasn't sure if it was the program or my laptop I was having trouble with. Seven consecutive times I called them and got a Middle Eastern speaking person at the help desk. It's nothing racial, but I need to understand the words of the person I'm seeking help from. It took me five minutes to gather that he was asking for my computer's serial number. Look, I know the bare minimum about computers to begin with, so I can barely comprehend what's being said when it's done so in English. My time at the library has come and gone and now they are asking me to leave. See what AOL had done - I've broken the rules and now the people of Muskegeon, Michigan are upset. Thanks AOL.

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Thu Dec 11.

Hooooooooray! My pictures from Wrigley Field are finally up and able to be viewed. You should be able to click on "Pictures" and see them OR you can click here to see them. Please lemme know your thoughts. E-mail me!

Huge kudos to my friends Shannon and Matt for getting this accomplished. My dumbass could only take the pictures!