Saturday, November 29, 2003



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1:05 PM<br> 
The following posts are from my Daily Derenger.  I and the technical brass at ShaveYourHead.com don't know what the problem is in the Daily archives.  Please read on and enjoy.  Happy Holidays.
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12:58 PM<br> 
[ Fri Nov 28, 01:19:34 AM | Scott Derenger | edit ]<br /><br />I ran into a guy I went to high school with. He's dating a girl with a very prominent position up front in Michael Flatley's "Riverdance." Being that I'll be living in Los Angeles for the first part of 2004, I spoke to this guy and his girlfriend about Hollywood. We exchanged numbers and then I shook his hand and hugged the girl good-bye. As I leaned in to hug her, I stepped on her foot, a foot she relies on to earn a living. I could've shaken her hand and broken a finger or accidentally head butted and broken her nose. Nope, I stepped on her foot. She limped away, insisting that she was fine. I now have to practice Irish dancing for the next 36 straight hours to replace her. Ridiculous.<br /><br /><br />[ Thu Nov 27, 09:29:02 AM | Scott Derenger | edit ]<br /><br />Like millions of other Americans, I went out last, the night before Thanksgiving. I think people do that because they know they will be with family the next day and would rather be groggy and hung-over than have to talk with certain relatives. Okay, so that's why I did it. <br /><br />I saw tons of people from my childhood, high school and everywhere after and in between. For some reason I think that kids who ran around in diapers when I was younger should still be doing that. Not the case; they all grow up, beer in hand, and begin life in the real world. But the ultimate sign of getting older is when you see these kids, or others you've known for years, and utter these six words, "Tell your parents I said hello." <br /><br />It's all down hill after that.<br /><br /><br />[ Tue Nov 25, 01:43:04 AM | Scott Derenger | edit ]<br /><br />This comedy business can be a tough one. You can have a really great show and then think you'll be on Letterman. But then, that same night after the second show, you can have a horrible set and think you'll be on a milk carton.<br /><br />[ Mon Nov 24, 12:47:32 AM | Scott Derenger | edit ]<br /><br />I had to pick up pizza for dinner last night. After mass. We figured there would be plenty of time to do so. But the parish we went to was broke. They had a guy talk about their debt, asking for more money from all of us. I couldn't help, though; I had a pizza to purchase. This talk took up a lot of time and my pizza was now getting cold. I opted to leave early and skip communion. After all, the pizza was round, made of bread and washed down with a nice glass of wine. I figured the Big Guy would understand.<br /><br /><br />[ Sat Nov 22, 12:25:34 AM | Scott Derenger | edit ]<br /><br />Lansing, Michigan this week. Michigan State is here and at tonight's late show there was a frat party accompanied by their dates. About 20 guys with 20 hot, young sorority girls. Some of them were just barely 18. Wow. Nice week to pick to not not drink. There is far less disappointment and heartbreak while stone sober. Instead of the gorgeous brunette in the red pants sitting on my bed, there was a Grilled Stuft Steak Burrito. I ate it pretty fast, so maybe the brunette lucked out.<br /><br /><br />[ Fri Nov 21, 10:09:39 AM | Scott Derenger | edit ]<br /><br />You know what those outlet-strip-malls are good for? Long walks. There's one just across the street from my hotel and maybe seven stores are open. Instead of dodging shoppers, I had to pass through employees' smoke breaks. Well, I guess I could've ventured into the parking lot, but who wants to go out of their way for excercise?<br /><br /><br />[ Wed Nov 19, 11:50:34 PM | Scott Derenger | edit ]<br /><br />I'm in Lansing, Michigan. It took me forever to get here because I got lost about 12 times, not to mention getting confused with their 96 and 69 interstates. Or maybe I got a little hot over the numbers. <br /><br />The hotel desk clerk told me the club was near the Velvet Touch. "Oh good," I said. "I need a car wash." It wasn't that kind of touchy place, though. Rather, I would need a serious washing after that place, especially behind my ears.<br /><br /><br />[ Tue Nov 18, 10:13:28 PM | Scott Derenger | edit ]<br /><br />My days here in Toledo have come to an end. Jay and Angie have been the most gracious hosts, letting me eat their, drink their milk and use their phone line to post these entries. Tonight we celebrated my last night by dining at a Mexican/German restaurant. Nothing says "Thank you Toledo" like bratwurst burritos with margaritas and a cold Becks beer courtesy of Hans Martinez. Lansing, here I come.<br /><br /><br />[ Tue Nov 18, 11:00:45 AM | Scott Derenger | edit ]<br /><br />My friends are trying to get pregnant (that means they're having sex, hehehe, dirty kids.) The wife and I have been best friends for about 15 years, so she feels she can tell me anything. And she can. <br /><br />"I was slimy today," she told me. <br /><br />"I'm ovulating. We have to do it now. Wake up honey!" she said as she hook her husband awake. <br /><br />"He even held my legs up so everything stayed inside," she added. Wow! I almost feel like I was there. The kid should be at least named after me don't you think?<br /><br />[ Mon Nov 17, 12:30:57 PM | Scott Derenger | edit ]<br /><br />I think I'm going to bring a Bible into a daycare and read it. Hopefully that will produce the same effect as the crying and screaming at a noon Sunday mass. <br /><br />It's probably a good thing altar boys don't serve into their 20s. You'd be all hung over on the altar for the whole congregation to see, yawning throughout the whole mass. You'd have your hands folded with the bar stamps from the night before still glaringly obvious, glitter on your face from the sorority girls you did Tequilla shots with, and lipstick on your cheek from the 40-something lady you moved in on only to puke on the floor en route to her. <br /><br />The other altar server would ring the bells during the blessing of the water and wine and you'd scream, "Last call." Fun times would be had indeed.<br /><br /><br />[ Sat Nov 15, 01:40:59 AM | Scott Derenger | edit ]<br /><br />A Toledo friend brought some of her friends to last night's late show. We headed to a dive bar ater the show. As two of her friends left the bar, I said, "Thanks for coming out." Something profound to say to a couple of gay guys.<br /><br /><br />[ Fri Nov 14, 01:58:18 PM | Scott Derenger | edit ]<br /><br />I'm in a Toledo library next to two other bald guys with shaved heads. Of course I haven't my camera with me to prove that us bald guys are smart, too. <br /><br />I went to mass this morning. Nice service and even nicer people there. One thing I noticed was the the priest didn't participate in communion. He didn't give the hosts nor the wine. He sat back and let some lay people do it. It was awkward receiving the Body of Christ from a guy in running pants and a Chicago Bears sweatshirt. You know Jesus didn't dress like that back in the day. Unless the Saints were playing.<br /><br /><br />[ Wed Nov 12, 11:47:37 PM | Scott Derenger | edit ]<br /><br />Last night's show had maybe 10 people there. In the middle of my set, two guys got up and embraced, having not seen each other in 20 years. I just drank my Pepsi and smiled, knowing that I was pursuing the dream no matter what.
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