The Daily Derenger

1/16/2004

Tis a cloudy day in California, thus a perfect opportunity to get some things done: laundry, improtant calls and e-mails, newspaper assignments, and maye even cleaning the Prizm. She's still in shambles from the drive out here.

Many people have a few things or maybe only one thing they do well. But they do it really well and has a hobby, something on the side in their "spare" time. Like speaking/learning a foreign language or two; fixing computers; or perhaps playing a musical instrument.

That got me thinking about the things I do well. I got stumped after listing "doing push-ups" and "parallel parking." Nice. Where are those skills gonna take me - working as a valet at a gym?

I never thought this is how 29 would look or feel.

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1/15/2004

So I went to the Late Late Show with Craig Kilborn last night. Chad Daniels did a great job of course. I simply stood in the shadows, eating free food and pocketing the green room gum and candy.

On my way to the set, I took the elevator up. Standing beside me were three people I didn't know and one guy I did. It was Sean Astin, the first guest of the show and the millionaire from Lord of the Rings. The celeb thing isn't that big of a deal to me so I introduced myself to him, telling him I liked his work, especially in Rudy.

"I actually went to Joliet Catholic High School," I said to Astin, as he looked up from reading the Rolling Stone article about him.

I don't think I gave him much chance to respond when I then said, "What was up with the Hilltoppers colors? Maroon and white? We were brown, gold and white when Rudy went there."

He seemed a bit puzzled. "Hmmm. Rudy never mentioned anything about that. Good thing someone didn't point that out," said Astin. Or something to that effect and then he went back to reading and talking with his two friends, possibly Kilborn's staff.

Yet another move not found in Dale Carneghie's How to Win Friends and Influence People, but one that will be found in my book, How to Not Make Friends and Negatively Influence Your Career in Hollywood!

1/14/2004

I never thought I would see the day when I'd forget my camera and ask my friend, "Hey, can I borrow your phone?" To take the picture of course, not to call home and ask mom to bring your camera to the zoo. What's next? Digital movie screens in mini-vans?

Check out the Late, Late Show with Craig Kilborn tonight - after Letterman on CBS. My buddy Chad Daniels will be on doing comedy. My career sucks so now I support my successful friends who've slept on my couch.

1/13/2004

Ready for this???? Today I was the Last Comic Standing. Seriously. I auditioned for the hit reality show on NBC, Last Comic Standing. After 12 hours in a line that wound around the Improv Comedy Club, Second City and a service station, I was selected as the Last Comic Standing. Okay, so it wasn't so great. I was simply the last comic selected to audition today. It was late and they had seen enough. They eventually picked other comics at random to also audition, but I was the last of the regulars from the line of about 500.

I have never been so tired from sitting then standing then laying then walking then talking, all for about two minutes in front of execs who wanted anything but a bald, white guy. Had I worn a dress and an afro, I might be in the quarter-finals right now. Instead, I'm going to bed.

1/12/2004

For the first time ever, I ate sushi. My tastes have evolved over the years, so this really isn't a shock to me. Sour cream, guacamole, shrimp, spinach, humus and now sushi. It wasn't nearly as good as people make it sound, but now I can cross it off the "things to do while trying to become famous in Hollywood" list.

We went with a rather eclectic group - 4 Russians, 2 Americans and 1 Israeli all dining at a Japanese restaurant. It was more like a United Nations meeting than a late night dinner.

My friends were eating the sushi with ease, like chips and salsa while I was strugging just to work the chopsticks. My shoulder became sore quickly and after all that work, I was still a bit hungry. I've never felt that way about pizza. Never. That's why you always see fat Italians and small Asians. You can fit much more in your hands than you can between two skinny sticks. Except sumo wrestlers. But they're all a bunch of freaks.