The Daily Derenger

10/24/2003

Some people don't understand how I can survive on the road as a comic. To those people I say, "You can't appreciate the craft 'til you really crave Chef Boyardee BIG Beefaroni eaten out of a tomato sauce-stained Tupperware bowl heated up in your hotel's continental breakfast room."

10/23/2003

I'm typing this from a library in Burlington, Iowa. It's a small town and the Kum & Go serves as a landmark downtown. My laptop may have seen its last day as she has no more warranty life left. I called the club where I'm playing tonight and the manager gave me directions to the hotel as well. "Just watch the strip clubs over the bridge," he said. "They check for weapons in most of 'em. And if you don't have any, they give you one."

10/21/2003

My mom's on a 10-day vacation and now I'm torn between getting a dumpster in the driveway or just organizing her mess. Currently on the front porch there is a hoola hoop, a baby diaper dispenser (the reason I specify 'baby' diaper dispenser is because I know somewhere she's got an adult diaper dispenser) and two cook's jackets from Cracker Barrel. Sure I worked there 10 years ago but my name's not Juan or Domingo. What's a son to do?

10/20/2003

I attended the wake of a friend last night. He was only 29. He had been battling a lifelong illness and now his battle is no more. I couldn't help but thinking about how I'd be remembered. I guess in death, light is shined upon life. I have loved and lost many people, but at least I have had them to love. So here's to making the most of every day we live and being loved and respected by whomever we come in touch with, especially yourself. After, who knows when the days here will be gone? Make them the best they can be.

(Kinda deep coming from a guy whose latest joke is about having sex with Wilford Brimley.)