The Daily Derenger

10/18/2003

My friend Sue and I had an outstanding dinner last night. Top-notch seafood and great conversation. Amazing what Long John Sliver's can provide.

Over dinner, Sue talked about wanting to get the lasex eye surgery. She wants to see without glasses of course, especially when she wakes up in the middle of the night.

"One night I woke up and saw this head near my entertainment center," she said. "I jumped at it, hit it hard and then ran out the door screaming."

When she gathered herself, she came back to find her large, 3-wick candle lying on the floor. She had assaulted a defenseless candle just trying to give off some vanilla scent.

"I felt good about it, though," said Sue. "I felt like I was ready to fight if I needed to."

Maybe if she was attacked in a Cracker Barrel gift shop.

10/17/2003

Last night's show was a success. Many friends and family came out, even though some of them were warned that my standup isn't anything like my Herald News writing. They all seemed to have as much fun as possible, albeit some uncomfortable fun. How hard can you laugh at female pubic hair jokes with your 70-year-old parents sitting beside you?

10/16/2003

I just got in at 8 a.m. and am in no mood or state of mind to write something lengthy. I'm in shock and disbelief, not with them losing but with how they lost; I thought they had at least a trip to the World Series. I now have tonight's show near my hometown to look forward to. Let's forget the loss and have a great time tonight with great family and friends. See you all at Road House on 6 in Channahon. 8:30 p.m. showtime.

10/15/2003

What a horrible way to lose a game last night. Surely you've seen the footage of the Cubs' fan who interfered with the foul ball. He's on the cover of every newspaper here in Chicago. However, when the Cubs come back and win tonight in Game 7, that poor guy will be off the hook. Until then, just when you think you're having a bad day, think about his night, today and possibly the rest of his life. We may have to see his face for the next 95 years instead of the goat.

10/12/2003

I'm beginning my trek back to Chicago after my Sunday night show, around 10 p.m. EST tonight. I plan on staying the night in Chattanooga - about 3.5 hours north of Macon and then home from there in the morning, 9 hours.

The Cubs are losing Game 5 and will play Game 6 Tuesday night in Chicago. Mark Prior will start for the Cubs. Look out Wrigleyville and the rest of the universe, the Cubbies are coming to the World Series Tuesday night!