The Daily Derenger

9/27/2003

I should be Waiting at Wrigley right now. Instead, I am about to get ready for my 10-year high school reunion. Who'd a thunk the Cubs would be on the verge of sweeping a double-header while the Astros have already lost. On top of that, if they win this second game - currently they are leading 6-0 in the 5th inning - they will clinch the NL Central Division for the first time since 1989. And I'm not there to celebrate. I will be talking to people I didn't even know in high school, hearing about their jobs and their kids. Meanwhile, my Wrigley mates will be hammered and spilling onto the streets of Wrigleyville. Who cares? GO CUBS GO!

9/26/2003

My ex-girlfriend is dating a guy I know. That sucks. Kind of. Not that she's dating someone, but that I know the guy. I can picture the sex. That's the biggie. The sex. So what if they have lunch together or walk down the street. But the sex is where it's at. This must really suck in the South.

9/25/2003

My friend Tanya and I visited a gay bar last Monday night. Her friend had a birthday party. She's in theater and so is he. Imagine that. On this particular night it was "show tunes" night. The bar had huge TVs on which they played musicals and musical montages built around movie clips. One was of "Mommy Dearest," masterfully edited and showing Joan Crawford doing her best rendition of Rocky Balboa. All the while these clips and songs from "Annie" were playing, the gay boys recited the lines verbatim. This was no time to ask what the score of the Raiders-Broncos game was.

9/22/2003

I picked apples from a tree in my mom's backyard. I don't remember the tree being there years ago, though. Instead of using a basket or a bag in which to put the apples, I used the pockets of my shorts, which quickly fell down. Quite a show for the neighbors and those making U-Turns. I threw some apples to Pepper. Thinking they were tennis balls, she chased after them and ate some. She then got the shits and scratched her butt on ... the wooden deck? Ouch. We should charge a cover for such entertainment.

9/21/2003

The NFL is in week 3 and I'm watching it at my buddy Chris's house. We're in a fantasy league together and yelling at 2 different TV's. Chris has an icepack on his ankle from last week's games. He had Jamaal Lewis going and Lewis recorded the most rushing yards ever in an NFL game. Chris celebrated with a dance and twisted his ankle. He suffered the first fantasy footbal injury of the season and is questionable for next week.