The Daily Derenger

5/29/2003

There's a Blockbuster in Chicago. In fact, there are many such stores in Chicago. I'm referring to the one with a Blockbuster sign on the street. This may be normal but this sign appeared to seemingly jump out at me. And that should be the case since the store is in the middle of a strip mall, unable to really stand alone. Kuodos to the marketing and advertising departments.

Directly below that sign was another sign, a fluorescent yellow and black one that read "DEAF and BLIND."

Imagine that, a sign for a store that sells movies for which you watch and listen to for enjoyment and yet there's someone nearby who can't do either, unable to take full advantage of what Blockbuster has to offer. Even the candy and soda near the check-out counter probably go unvisited by this doubly disabled person.

Maybe this is a cruel thought (or two) to have but I found it highly ironic that the signs were so close to one another. It just reeked with irony. And I believe I was put here to make you aware of it. It's not like the person I may be referring to is gonna read this anyway.

Before I saw the sign, I stopped into an Express store to check out their summer selection. Upon seeing some good deals on shorts, I realized that I was going commando. No big deal, right? Just guesstimate the size, right? Wrong.

You see, they had these nice linen shorts on sale. However, some of them were shorts you could tie while others were shorts with belt loops. A quandary if ever there was one.

How was I to know which ones fit better? I wasn't going to just guess nor was I going to come back. It was more of an impulse visit which would most certainly lead to an impulse by. Chances are that if I left without trying them on, I wouldn't come back anytime soon. And the sale would surely be over. So ...

I tried on the shorts, free willy and all.

It wasn't that bad. I mean I had just showered about 30 minutes before hand. And besides, what's the difference if I scratched my freshly washed commando-gear and then shook the hand of some unsuspecting person. (Okay, so there is some difference but nothing that major.)

I even ended up buying one of the pairs of shorts. The others didn't work out right because the ties made it tough. I had to drop down a size and lay my loin in some more linen. I bought those pair. In fact, I bought three pairs.

But somewhere down the road there will be a guy wondering where his genital rash came from. And chances are that guy could be me because if I just did that, rest assured some other dude did it, too.

Maybe it's 'cause the blind and deaf guy ultimately got even with me.