The Daily Derenger

4/23/2003

I'd like to let you all know that I'm married. Now it's not in the true sense of the word so let me explain.

As I was shopping in a Dominick's grocery store an hour ago, I realized that I didn't have a "Fresh Values" card on me. It's your basic discount card that every grocery store seems to have. Had I had such a card in my posession and have made a ballpark guess, I would've saved like three bucks on my purchase. At this point it was late and I was tired and simply wanted to get to bed.

I approached the graveyard shift cashier. He was an odd looking man in terms of being a cashier. Not your typical middle-aged woman with graying-brown hair looking just like one of your Aunt's. However, it was around 12:30 a.m. and I bet that Dominick's figured that their employees should better represent the clientele visiting their store at such an hour. The man was older and had a jacket covering his name-tag. He was also sporting a beret-like hat that appeared to be quite okay with the young man in front of me purchasing beer, propane and a plastic spatula.

As the man ran the store-brand orange juice, the Thera-Flu, and the small box of Kleenex over the price scanner, I was still trying to figure out how I could score the "Fresh Values" discount.

"Do you have a Fresh Values card?" asked the cashier.

I didn't answer him right away. Instead I searched the pockets of my pants as well as those of my flannel coat to no avail. I also pulled out my car keys to see if I had stuck the little card on there, knowing full well that I had not.

"I didn't bring my wallet with me," or something similar is what I said.

"That's okay," replied to cashier, "you can punch in your phone number in the key pad of the credit card machine."

At this point I really thought that my looking through my pockets and double-checking my keys would show the guy that I had a card but that it wasn't on me. I wasn't expecting another step involving a phone number.

"Well the number is to my in-laws and I don't have my cell phone on me," I quickly said to even my surprise. "They are like number 12 on the speed dial and I have no idea what the number is."

With that information, the cashier pulled out his Fresh Values card and swiped it over the scanner.

"I know how that is," he laughed. "I was visiting my mom and couldn't recall her number either."

"Funny how that works," I added. "Thank you. Have a good night."

And I was out the door and into the world. As married man with some in-laws' phone number on my cell phone. I better call them 'cause I feel like we haven't talked in like ... forever.

4/22/2003

The posts are fixed on my Journal. Kudos to TonyMiami for having my back and cleaning up my mess. Please check out those Journal entries in order of their dates.

Thanks for hanging out here at ShaveYourHead.com

Oh yeah ...

I officially begin my job at Wrigely Field today, April 22nd. There is certainly plenty of material awaiting. Stay tuned for daily recaps of the Cubs' games as well as anything exciting that happens in the suites. Maybe I'll walk in on some drunk exhibitionists having their own version of the 7th Inning Stretch. "For it's one, two, three strikes you're ... Woaaa!!! Nice ball game if you know what I mean."

And how great is it that the North Siders are in first place? I know it's only April but I wouldn't be a true-blue Cubs' fan unless I believed. Prematurely or not. Go Cubs Go! See you cynics in October in the World Series.