The Daily Derenger

4/09/2003

Please check out my journal. I haven't written there in some time. Thanks for visiting ShaveYourHead.com

4/07/2003

I guess it wasn't meant to be. But I was eagerly awaiting my big day nonetheless.

My attire was set out and ready to be worn: long-sleeve t-shirt, turtleneck, polo shirt, thermal underwear, regular underwear, khaki pants, two pairs of socks, some new Reeboks, stocking hat, gloves, and a heavy flannel.

Now such a literal laundry list may sound like I was heading-up a caribou hunt in northern Manitoba. However, I was not prepping to visit Canada. Those clothes were my "uniform" to work Opening Day at Wrigley Field, often recognized as a national holiday in these parts.

Someone they call Mother Nature, accompanied by her nearly four inches of heavy, wet snow, made opening day last about seven hours. I called my manager at 7 a.m. to see if I needed to bring a corncob pipe to place on the only man who was going to see any action on the field.

"The game's been canceled," he frantically told me as he scurried to find his list of other employees to call.

"They'll play the opener tomorrow. Can you work it?" I was asked.

Nope. I'm outta town. And with that so were my chances to see Opening Day at Wrigley. Even if I had to deal with the sub-freezing temps and brisk winds off Lake Michigan, I was still at the Cubs game, albeit as a hot chocolate retriever or burger fetcher.

While the first pitch is being tossed out tomorrow, I will be en route to good ol' Beloit, Wisconsin to make some cheeseheads chuckle. Certainly the warmth of the Prizm will allow for a much more comfortable dress-code than my caribou-hunting costume.

Have a cold one for me. And a beer, too.

4/06/2003

I'm not paying close attention to the war aside from the frequent updates on the radio. Other times I will check out what CNN has going on or what Geraldo is doing now.

What I have heard a lot is this "friendly fire." I guess this means that the United States forces are "accidentally" shooting out own troops as well as those of our allies. Who is the hell have we sent over there - a bunch of deer hunters? Those guys are always wearing bright orange hats that say "Don't shoot idiot!" I think along with some tanks and gas masks, our troops should be manned with these hats.

Now I have done a lot of "friendly" things in may day, the least of which has been killing one of my friends however. It's 2003. I would think that America, being the most powerful country in the world, could come up with something better than "friendly fire." Although I guess if you just blew up fifteen comrades you ate lunch with yesterday, "friendly fire" is the nicest way to categorize your fuck-up!