The Daily Derenger

2/12/2003

As I was on the phone with a friend the other day, this part of the conversation became quite interesting:

"My TV controller doesn't work," she said in a disappointed tone. "And this bed is too comfy to get out of."

"Why is doesn't it work?"

"Because the batteries are in my vibrator."

Until this point I was consumed with my flipping channels between all the late-night talk shows and SportsCenter. Her mentioning of the vibrator was more interesting than anything Dan Patrick or David Letterman could've said.

"And I don't want to have to switch them back and forth," she added. (The batteries that is, not the talk-show hosts.)

"But don't you have another controller in the other room? It's for the same kind of cable tv so just use that one."

"I guess I could but then I'd have to get out of bed and go get it."

Now going to get it meant going about 15 feet thru the kitchen and into the living room where the controller would probably be sitting on the couch. It's not like she would have to take a Safari down the Amazon, speaking the native tongue to the locals in an effort to retrieve her controller. It took longer for me to type this sentence than it would've taken her to get the damn controller.

"Maybe you should get a huge rubber band and put the controller and the vibrator together. Then you could switch out the batteries easier."

"No, cause then I'd have to remove the rubber band and re-do it when I'm done. Too much work. Now I'm all worked up. I'll just do it to whatever is on channel-7."

This was a classic case of supply and demand. The supply of the batteries didn't meet the demand for her changing of the channels while simultaneously being able to get off.

A few minutes later she told me that she would "take care of herself" as soon as the commercial for Pizza Hut was over. Oprah came back on and off the phone she went. My friend was taking care of her own needs and, in a weird sort of way, I guess she was also doing her part in honoring black history month.

2/10/2003

When all else fails in not having a witty Daily Derenger for your reading pleasure, I give you something of mine that was published in the newspaper yesterday, February 9th. Please click here to read and enjoy.

Something fresh and invigorating will appear here tomorrow. Until then ...