The Daily Derenger

1/31/2003

Lost in New York, Rochester style. That was the movie-turned-reality that happened to me today.

I stopped at a Mobil station to ask for directions. Why is that? Why do we think that all gas station people know where to go? Having worked in one for three years, I got asked for directions to virtually everywhere - Turkey, Paris, Rolling Meadows. You name it, if it was on someone's map, it was fair game.

So as I was asking a kind, older gentleman how to get where I needed to go, out of the corner of my eye I saw a lady waiting patiently for me. Or at least it seemed that way. She wasn't interrupting the conversation nor was she trying to get the attention of the other 12 or so patrons in the station. She was clearly waiting for me.

"Excuse me sir," she said with a gentle, innocent voice. "I'm legally blind and was wondering if you could help put air in my friend's car?"

"First of all, I hope the friend is doing the driving," I said to myself. "Next, how in the hell did you see me in the first place?" which is what I was thinking.

Here I was, as lost as a caterer to an Enron Christmas party and now I had a good deed to do.

"Sure mam," I said. "Where's the car parked?"

She pointed me around the corner, which still had me puzzled. If she was legally blind and her friend wasn't, why was she doing the finding of someone to put air in the tire? This blind lady should've been sitting in the car listening to the radio.

The lady in the car was a bit overweight which may have explained her not getting out of the car. Her face was caked with make-up like that weird-looking great aunt you'd never visit if she didn't give you money or candy every time.

"It's the one in the back left," said the driver.

With that knowledge, I made my way to the air machine.

"It costs fifty cents for the air," I informed the golden girls duo. "I know that's nuts but that's the way it is."

They were both searching for spare change in their respective purses. The legally blind lady reached to the bottom of her purse and pulled out a handful of change. This wasn't before the driver handed me two coins.

"Here," she said. "Is that fifty cents?"

There was a nickel and a quarter. Now I was all confused. This apparent non-visionally challenged lady who was doing the driving of the station wagon couldn't decipher between a nickel and a quarter.

Meanwhile, the legally blind one sifted through her change and paper clips like she was a 49er looking for gold.

"Here's fifty cents," she said. "Take these two quarters."

At this point, I wasn't going to call her blind-woman's bluff. Maybe she could see a little bit. Who was I to judge? I took her change and threw it in the machine. Nothing. Fifty more cents went in and still nothing. Now I reached in my own pocket for change. Again, no air for fifty cents.

I went inside and told the cashier that his air machine was broken.

"Well I know it is," he said as if an airplane was flying overhead with a banner that read 'The Mobil Sation at Watkins and South Streets is OUT OF ORDER.'

"Well there's no sign on it that says out of order," I pointed out.

"Oh," he chimed back with. "Well then how much do you need back?"

He gave me back a dollar and I returned to the ladies. However, they were gone. I was only in the store for three minutes. I guess that was three minutes too long for a couple of blind ladies. But how? It's not like they were able to look at their watches and time me.

1/27/2003

There will be a great new look coming to ShaveYourHead.com soon. This is will all be courtesy of Matt Dubiel's hard work and dedication.

Special thanks to my man Tony in Tennessee for his incredible help with ShaveYourHead.com. Without both Tony and Matt, my career wouldn't be where it is today. Okay, so that's not saying much but having quite a comprehensive and entertaininig Web site does give me some credibility in this high-tech world.

I'm off to write about a great weekend in Toledo, Ohio. Be sure to check out my journal to read all about it.