The Daily Derenger

8/02/2002

I was watching Mike Meyers Revealed on the E! channel. Meyers received a letter from George Harrison about a month-and-a-half before he died. It is said to be the last letter Harrison wrote. In the letter, Harrison wrote about his love for the Austin Powers movies and asked if he could have a Mini Me doll. Let me write that again: In George Harrison's last letter ever written, a member of the greatest rock 'n roll band of all time asked for a doll. Perhaps this is why there is no talk of freezing him.

How would you feel if you were Ringo or Paul? I mean, Paul just got married to a lady with one leg. That is much more last-letter-worthy. There should even be a song written about that. And I know John has been dead for a while so that, too, could have been the topic of the last letter. But no. The last letter was to a guy famous for playing Fat Bastard.

With all that said, I saw the latest installment of Austin Powers, Goldmember, today. I laughed out loud on numerous occasions. In short, it was the best sex/poop/fart/midget-kicking movie of all time. It is a must see if you like good 'ol bathroom humor. And we all do. Unless you shit in the kitchen.

8/01/2002

I just read that email from the 12 yr old from the fair that my boyfriend and I were at... I gotta tell ya, you did not suck, I thought you were the funniest one up there and I wish you could have been able to do your act unclean, you were funny as hell with the clean jokes, I can only imagine how funny the dirty jokes are. I was right in the front row laughing my ass off and so was my boyfriend. We will keep our eyes open for shows that you may do around the milwaukee area, hopefully you'll come back, we're not all assholes in wisconsin ;-) Hopefully you saw me laughing, I really enjoyed your show. Best of luck to you.

Katie

You see, I do have fans in Wisconsin. They are the few but the proud. I love getting emails worthy of being posted in my Daily Derenger. It makes my job of finding something to write about every day that much easier. Keep it right here for more DDs on wiping my bum with the yellow pages and skinny dipping with lesbians. Getting back to the basics of being Scott Derenger.

7/31/2002

I may be only 12 but I thought your routine sucked. you pissed of a lot of parents who had small children there. like I said earlier I am only 12 but I think you need to get better material and clean up your act.

The above email was sent to me by a kid from the Washington County Fair in Wisconsin last week. Now I also realize that it may have been sent by someone just trying to be funny, namely another fellow comic. Nonetheless, I replied with the following email.

"Well thanks for getting in touch with me Eric if this is really 12-year-old Eric. I have a pretty good idea that it's not. But if it is, here goes.

Eric, my young friend, I could not care less what you think of me or my act. I don't do my shows to cater to 12-year-olds nor those people of Washington County, Wisconsin. If you or some others were offended, that's something you need to deal with. I do what I do and love it. I hope you one day you find something you really enjoy doing and not something that simply pays the bills.

Perhaps you will grow up to be the person who complains about a certain steak in a restaurant and continually goes back there to complain and try to get free stuff. I need nobody like you on my side. As a matter of fact, I enjoy pressing the buttons of uptight people like you. If it weren't for you and those easily offended folks, I would have no joy in this. I love seeing you guys uncomfortable over a simple joke or obscure reference. Bottom line, everything I say has the truth behind it. Perhaps you can't handle it. Jack Nicholson thought Tom Cruise couldn't. Or maybe you don't know that reference 'cause you think Rob Reiner's work sucks, too. I know, I know A Few Good Men is surely no WWF Smackdown.

In short Eric, I had fun at the fair. Many people enjoyed the show and I got paid to make you unhappy. What a great job. Now go pedal your butt down to Justin's house, take out his daddy's Playboys, find the issue with the 'Real World' girls in it, do what 12-year-old boys do best, clean up, and then go shop at Wal-Mart for school supplies. And lights out by 11 tonight."