The Daily Derenger

5/15/2002

At a show recently, I saw a man light his lady's cigarette. He wasn't smoking though. He even seemed to be bothered by the smoke as he waved it away from him. But he kissed her a few times and they seemed to enjoy eachother. That told me one thing: she must have some really good poontang. What else would keep him around? He can deal with the smoke as long as later in the night he gets his. And then gets some more early and often. And generally speaking, a woman who smokes will also suck a mean weanie. Or at least she should. If it's the oral fixation she's into, a penis should be thrown in the mix, too. So go ahead ladies, light 'em up ... and suck 'em up!

5/14/2002

"I'm a straight male who wants to suck some cock. I don't want anything else, just to suck someone else's dick. I want this to be discreet, and absolutely safe. I don't anyone to know I did this, and I don't want any diseases. Any suggestions?"

This was found is 'Savage Love' in the most recent edition of the Chicago Reader. Now it's time for my commentary. A straight male never wants to suck cock; he might want to get it sucked on occasion but he never wants to do the sucking. If he does, he is as straight as a hoola hoop. And what's with the 'someone else's dick' thing? How about some other guy's dick? That's the correct wordage. Otherwise, that would make it sound like all people have cocks. I guess if you watch "Jerry Springer," such is often times the case. And I'm sure he wants more. Maybe a lil' fisting and the juggling of a felch tube or two. Being safe and discreet is out the door. I would set up a time to meet him and walk into the bar with a sign that read "Where's the guy who's here to blow me?" while wearing my seatbelt. And what ever happened to cocksuckers who simply liked their job?