The Daily Derenger

4/25/2002

Just some random thoughts today ...

My friends can be rude. Especially the one's without cars. I gave one such friend a ride home the other night and she stomped all over my atlas on the floor. I didn't realize this until she got out. I was like, "Hey, you fucked up my map. Now I'm gonna drive off the road 'cause there's a big crease in Wisconsin."

I think if the girl you're dating programs her favorite stations in your radio, look out for the toothbrush in the holder as well. That shit's gettin' serious my friend. Now don't get me wrong, the radio stations aren't all that bad, but had she not programmed them they wouldn't be in my top 12.

I just had some continental breakfast. The choices were muffins or toast and very watered down orange juice. I guess this kind of breakfast is served on the continent of Africa.

4/22/2002

Life's a bitch and then you ... take a big shit and not flush it because the hot water will be lost for your already running shower. The shower pressure is suprisingly great today. You get out of the shower, dry off and run to answer the phone. You see the caller ID says unavailable but you still answer it 'cause it may be an important unavailable person. It's a telemarketer and you hang up immediately. Then you get dressed and forget that you haven't brushed your teeth 'cause that shit was quite nasty and you couldn't stand even your own dirty work. You then answer the door and see a girl you've met twice before and really dig. It's her first time at your place and you're trying to take this one slow for a change. You offer her a beverage and she chooses some water. You have some small talk and you are even more into her and her beautiful blue eyes and gorgeous smile. You gesture that you two should head out 'cause dinner reservations are made. Before you leave your place, she asks where the bathroom is. You show her and watch SportsCenter while she uses the facilities. Just as you sit down and see that the Cubs have won, you relalize something. You never flushed the toilet. You never even used toilet paper 'cause you jumped up to go see the replay of Sammy Sosa's homerun. You are beside yourself as this perfect girl is in your bathroom using the toilet that has a huge pile of shit produced from Taco Bell and the 9 Budweisers the night before. You know that such an act can never be forgotten. You know that this girl will think of the toilet every time she thinks of you. You panic and walk throughout the apartment wondering what to say. She comes out of the bathroom and you act as if everything is okay. So does she. You forget something and go down the hall into your room. You then come out of the room and turn into the bathroom. You look in the mirror and call yourself a fuckin' moron. You also notice that the toilet isn't running at all. But it should be 'cause she just went to the bathroom. Or did she? You lift the lid and find the lincoln logs floating in water that now resembles iced-t. She never lifted the lid. And you know that most women wouldn't do that. You know that she's not the kind of girl that would lift the lid. You assure yourself of this and flush the toilet. Your worries are over. And that's life. Or at least the way it is for you on this day.