The Daily Derenger

3/29/2002

What was I thinkin'? Have you looked at "the map" here at ShaveYourHead.com? Right smack-dab in the middle of it is a "blue" Kansas. And I have no explanation for that. I did 10 shows in Denver, CO over the last 2 weeks ripping on how boring a drive it is through Kansas. Then I have the opportunity to liven up the drive and jack-off on way back to Chicago and I plainly forgot. What? Me, forgetting to jack-off in a state that has yet to be christened with my juices or my sexual wrath of any sort? That is absurd. Totally unacceptable. Have I lost focus? Was I not up for the challenge on I-70 in the Prizm? Am I still feeling the effects of El Nino? WAIT! Now that I think about it all, Colorado is green and blinking for a reason. So here's to keepin' you guessing!

3/25/2002

April 15th is almost here. Tax day. In being a comic, I can write off many things as expenses. Phone bills, internet services, some clothing, and so on. I gave my expense sheet to my accountant along with my receipts. He glanced at some of the stuff and then said, "Hey what's this?" "It's a receipt for condoms," I replied. "That's not comedy," he chimed back with. "Have you seen some of the women I've slept with? The one in Albuquerque gave me 3 punchlines ... and a rash. That's what this cream was for." Sometimes it takes a rash to get some good jokes. It's a tough job but somebody has to do it.