The Daily Derenger

3/20/2002

Chicken Soup for the Soul of the Chronic Masturbater. Where is that fuckin' book I ask? There is the Soul of the Pet Lover, the Farmer, the Teen-ager, the Auto Mechanic, the Vegetarian, the Teacher, the Construtction Worker and so on. Are the authors denying that masturbaters have souls? Or are they furthermore saying that the souls of chronic masturbaters aren't book worthy? Damnit, we have feelings, too. And heart warming stories about spinning the bean or spanking the monkey ... or both for you hermaphrodites who frequent my site. I'm just saying that this "Soup for the Chronic Masturbater" is an untapped market. We are everywhere. Wait. I don't know if I'd eat any soup from the house of a chronic masturbater though. Shit, now I've lost focus.

3/18/2002

Don't ask me why but I was watching the WWF's Monday Night Raw. The Rock was talking shit to Kevin Nash and he said something about being hooked on phonics. Now there is no way in hell any of the WWF's audience knows what phonics is. If, by chance, they do, none of them are hooked on it. I'm sure most of them think that phonics is simply the capital of Arizona. Good day.

3/18/2002

"Don't go to the butcher shop. Go to the barber shop." That's what the sign read outside a barber shop in Aztec, NM. Now maybe that was a small town thing but if not, I don't get it. What if you really need to go to the butcher? If you want a cut of veal or leg of lamb, you wouldn't go to the barber for either of those. Maybe they meant that the people of Aztec have been getting some really bad haircuts resemling the work of a butcher. In that case, they need to recognize their true needs. Butchers cut meat. Barbers cut hair. Any questions call
1-800-SHIT-HED. Or maybe 1-800-MEAT-HED. Or maybe Aztec needs a shop that cuts both hair and meat. Problem solved.