Seniors very eager for treats

What better way to start a day than by bringing free bakery goods to the elderly?

Courtesy of Cub Foods on Illinois 59 in Shorewood, twice a week, my mom picks up and delivers bakery good to St. John's Food Pantry and Joshua Arms (formerly Salem Towers) retirement community, respectively on Mondays and Thursdays. My mom's mother, who we call yiayia in the Greek heritage, lives there.

I tagged along with my mom on one of her trips recently. We first loaded two-and-a-half shopping carts filled with muffins, brownies, donuts, Italian and French breads and numerous other baked goods into the car and headed to Joshua Arms.

"You've never seen anything like this," Mom told me. "These people have been waiting for an hour already. They flock to the bread like vultures to raw meat."

Mom's always had a way with imagery, and comparing bargain-seeking, croissant-loving senior citizens to wild birds of prey was quite accurate.

I had dropped off the bread one other time and thought it was feeding time at the zoo. It's quite amusing to watch white-haired ladies jockey for position with their canes and walkers being used to secure spots and gain leverage.

"It's been outta control lately," Mom continued. "They're gonna try handing out numbers this time instead of the normal free-for-all."

The unusual bedlam was somewhat uncommon for me at this time of day. Rarely do I seek entertainment at 8 a.m. on a Thursday; usually I'm in some small town hoping the hotel's continental breakfast Nazi doesn't remove the free cereal and orange juice before I awake.

I followed Mom in my car. Arriving first, she began unloading the goods. I hoped the show hadn't started without me.

Upon entering the center's lounge, I saw the people seated in a single row, their walkers and canes serving as pillars of support instead of battle gear.

"Everyone have a number?" yiayia asked the gathering of a dozen or so.

And once they did, the organized version of bakery-bingo commenced.

There was no jostling for a spot in the front of the line, nor was there any screening of one person so another could dart in for the cherished marble rye bread. But I was still satisfied as the numbers game proved quite effective. Admittedly so though, a tap to an unsuspecting noggin with a loaf of pumpernickel by a 90-year-old great-great-grandmother would've been priceless.

"This is my grandson, Scott," yiayia said to Yulanda Krawisz, who helped referee the bakery bonanza.

"Oh, you're Scott; I've read your articles before. But you look so much taller in your picture," she shared.

"Well thanks, I guess. But it's only a picture of my head. Sorry to disappoint you. Next time I'll wear stilts and platform shoes to bring the coffee cake."

We had some laughs, took some pictures and were on with our day.

Scott Deininger is a standup comedian from Shorewood. He can be reached through his Web site, www.ShaveYourHead.com

03/13/05