Publication: MattOnAir.com
Publication Date: 08/22/2000

Derenger Shot #11

Cyber Love Troubles

I'm a bit pressed for time this week. I procrastinate, therefore I am. But, like the trooper I am, the show must go on. Enjoy.

So far you know that I'm a 25 year old bald guy who lives at home and is making a living as a comedian and waiter. Yes, the ladies are in fact pounding down my door as you're reading this. I also own a laptop computer and a cellular phone but . . . no health insurance . Priorities a bit misaligned? Perhaps. “Scott, can you pay for that broken leg?” “No but I can email a doctor about it!”

I'm not overly in tune with the computer age yet. I can surf the net and order shit I don't need, but I'm not “hip” with the lingo or some of the basics in programming. I've never had to be until recently. When I was in high school, I wrote all my papers and those that were typed were done lovingly by my girlfriend. Then community college came and I fended for myself. I managed and typed my own stuff although it took days at times.

Now I'm faced with AOL this and MSN that and downloading bullshit from all over the place. I had to make a tough decision a few weeks back. For about a year, I had been seeing a lot of AOL. Even when I lived in Arizona , I saw AOL for a few months. We shared great times out there. Then our relationship ended abruptly when my roommate's computer was no longer available to me, because he was arrested. AOL and I didn't even say good-bye. Some months later I began seeing another provider called CompuServe. That was also short lived,for I left AZ to move back here to Illinois . CompuServe was nice but not really “my type”. Upon returning to Illinois , I received mail from AOL asking me to rekindle our relationship on a trial basis, no strings attached. Needless to say I was beside myself. I immediately began seeing AOL again and things were never better between us. Then came the need for me to take a stand and get my own computer. I purchased a laptop. The deal required me to use another provider to get the computer cheaper. I'm a comic with no cash so I did. I sat down with AOL and spoke of how happy I was with the time we spent together, but I needed my space. I told AOL that I would log on occasionally to say hi. I even promised AOL that I would keep in touch by using the AOL instant messenger. Now I am seeing MSN. Things were a bit shaky at first but it's nothing that we weren't able to work out. I'm committed to MSN for at least three years so I hope to build something special for the future.