Big fast Greek Easter

By Scott Deininger
SPECIAL TO THE HERALD NEWS

Greek Easter has always been a tradition around our house, celebrated the week after Catholic Easter. My mom's mother, known as yiayia in the Greek heritage, is 100 percent Greek. I guess that makes me something like a quarter Greek, which could explain my years working in restaurants as Greeks are well known for owning them.

Past Greek Easters have seen lambs cooked on spickets for all the family to enjoy. Those years are gone since most of the family have started their own families. Now our celebrations are smaller while still having Greek dishes like souvlakia (Greek marinated pork), pasticio (a pasta dish baked and topped with a crust), kopanisti (a blend of cheeses) and taramosalata (Greek-style caviar).

My grandfather, known as papou even though he was German, passed away some years ago. Gatherings haven't been the same without papou. However, with my slender build, bald head and glasses, I look a lot like papou.

Throw in some tasteless jokes and frequent yelling at the little ones for making too much noise and you would think papou never left.

"This is the best damn ...," papou used to loudly say about almost anything he was eating. Didn't matter if he had the same steak the day before, today's was better. And he wanted everyone around him to know.

This Greek Easter was quite unique in that it was seen as my mom's Last Supper of sorts. As you're reading this, she's recovering from gastric bypass surgery, commonly referred to as the "Carnie Wilson surgery."

I guess they go in and staple half of your stomach together to inevitably cause extreme weight loss.

I wasn't sure of mom's insurance plan, though.

"Stapling sounds so permanent, mom," I said to her. "Can't they try paperclips first? If they hold well enough then we can turn to the staples."

My mom and step-dad's home has become the consensus house of gathering by default. Simply put, this house has the least amount of steps to climb. And the bathroom is also right off the kitchen, serving as another bonus.

The kitchen was filled with the Greek dishes in addition to dips and desserts and mom's legendary beans. Mom was having her last edible indulgence the way she wanted. It was truly Greek to her, good food and good family surrounding her.

Amidst all the chaos of the visiting and talks of the surgery sat a defeated-looking German Short-Haired Pointer named Pepper. Sure she was getting all the scraps like usual but she also knew those days were numbered. While mom was dieting to prepare for the surgery, Pepper suffered tremendously.

As mom prepared teaspoons of oatmeal, Pepper sat near the refrigerator scratching at it hoping for a tasty morsel to mysteriously fall out. I'm quite certain that if the front door would've been open long enough, Pepper would've darted into traffic to end it all.

Pepper's surgery is scheduled for next month. Mom's not going down alone.

Scott Deininger is a standup comedian from Shorewood. More of his work can be found via his Web site, www.ShaveYourHead.com

05/04/03